By Will Carlin
There is nothing like being laid up and unable even to venture onto a squash court that makes one miss the game. After tearing my Achilles tendon and having my tenth squash-related surgery (yup, ten), a number of friends of mine have asked me if this wasn’t the time to give up the game; my reaction, however, has been just the opposite. I find myself yearning to get back out there. There are lots of things that I miss, but more than that, I realize that there are a lot of squash things that I still want to do.
Ever helpful, I offer up my list for my fellow, um, enthusiasts. This is a list that any self-respecting squash player should accomplish, ideally before the age of 50:
1) Attend an adult squash camp.
2) Become friends with a current PSA player, WISPA player or both.
3) Date a squash player.
4) Watch the British Open in person.
5) Volunteer for an urban squash program.
6) Teach a child to play squash.
7) Run ten quarter mile wind sprints – just to know what it’s like.
8) Watch the 2002 Oscar nominated (for Best Short Film, Live Action) movie, “Squash.”
9) Own copies of The Three Wall Nick and Other Angles, Murder on the Squash Court, and Squash: A History of the Game.
10) Listen to Jonah Barrington commentate a match.
11) Convert a tennis player to squash.
12) Chair a weekend squash tournament.
13) Admit that you have choked, and realize that you are not alone.
14) Be a Patron at a pro or national tournament.
15) Coach a squash team.
16) Ruin at least one promising relationship over squash.
17) Hit an overhead crosscourt smash that not just nicks, but dead rolls.
18) Tell the truth on double bounces.
19) Remember Darwin Kingsley, Hazel White-Jones and Tom Jones.
20) Own at least one wood racquet (and pick it up occasionally to see how heavy it really is).
21) Hit the ball to yourself no more than two times in a row during the warm-up.
22) Know the first name of at least four Khans.
23) Be able to explain a “stroke” to a squash neophyte.
24) Watch a match in Grand Central Terminal.
25) Win a match where the “crowd goes crazy.”
26) Buy an opponent a beer after a loss.
27) Be able to name the current holders of the men’s and women’s world titles.
28) Have a nagging injury from a squash-related surgery.
29) Play doubles on the “other” side.
30) Get yelled at by a player while trying your best to referee a match.
31) Know what Charlie Ufford, Anil Nayar and Mike Desaulniers all have in
common.
32) Be able to recognize Kevin Klipstein.
33) Captain your club’s league team.
34) Overrule a referee’s call in favor of your opponent.
35) Perform at least 50 successful repetitions of the Criss-Cross Volley Drill.
36) Name the college Mark Talbott attended before he became the best hardball player of all time.
37) Know the squash cities who owe their success to Tom Rumpler, Yusuf Khan, Don Mills and Fred and Carol Weymuller.
38) Have a line to recognize an opponent’s great shot as good as “I was in the
wrong zip code.”
39) Write a letter to Squash Magazine.
40) Smile after a loss while shaking your opponent’s hand.
41) Play squash while on vacation in Bermuda, Jamaica or the Cayman Islands.
42) Tell a better player how much you enjoy watching them play.
43) Know the hand signals for “Let” and “Stroke.”
44) Play a non-tournament, social squash match in five different cities (not
counting those where you have lived).
45) Hit with someone at least 30 years older than you and, afterwards, gain from their experience.
46) Hit with someone three levels worse than you and only offer advice if they ask.
47) Leave a new ball on a court to make up for all those that you have “borrowed.”
48) Read Hashim Khan’s Keep Eye on Ball and then see his life story in the film of the same name.
49) Win a match after being down two games to love.
And of course…
50) Admit your addiction. This is one vice of which you actually can be proud.